i fucking hate this font because theres no punctuation but i love how it looks. I AM IN PAIN AS OF RIGHT NOW i feel like im not allowed to have emotions because of anything i am but i will still express them HERE and it's my site so i can say whatever its not corny (it is i just say that to make myself feel better) and theres no comments to bully me cuz it's MY site and i add what i want. or thats a good idea maybe ill add comments so u monkies can insult me all u want,opinions are my favorite thing as i said before anyways. since i woke up all day ive felt truly sad and like pathetic like a drug bitch on the side of the road that does nothing but fuck a blowup doll all day and boast...i cant care for anything meaningful including myself and im always giving into ways i feel and doing things that make me ashamed...other than feeling like a peabrained loser i feel like my brains been drained too..i have no creativity and have barely created anything GOOD or of use during this break..outside that AGAIN i feel disgusted by myself by things ive thought by things ive remembered..things from the past always come back to me once in a while and make me feel bad but it was in the past whatever its not like its happening to me right now but it feels as if..people whove hurt me..purposefully,people whove called me what im not... or what i am, physical things people have done to me..anything negative my minds flooded by today, but best i can do is hope tomorrow will be different..despite all that i still smiled today some,which is good...but ill still continue to complain. i wish i could hide in a sheet of black all my life...i hate looking into a mirror because i see the opposite of what i want to...mental turns to physical and i feel the pain on my skin...stay in your lane bitch you reside in my mind, off my lawn faggot...shut up, seeing everyone away from me feels ok and bad, i like to be alone but i want company...but thats a smaller problem to me. that parts just me feeling lonely cuz ive been home the past few days, whatever i say that but im constantly annoyed i have a lot more to say but i feel like its just like um like i said earlier, corny, but i am just speaking my mind...it distracts me and feels relieving a bit even tho people wont see (which is what i prefer, but people can see too...im not against it i guess im neutral) and its better than anything else that quote helps but only does worse... this is all just words instead of doing anything physical you know..like see i already feel a bit better and ive only written a bit i hate how im treated a lot of the time i always feel i deserve it.. on the outside but inside i know i dont at least not that much i guess i expect it on how i look and maybe some on how i act but i still dont fully understand it how people can stand right behind me and talk about me... id at least try to hide it.. or walking right up to me and say it, what they think.. or just treating me like a bug for no reason... i try to be the quote bigger person than those fatasses which i dont think is possible physically and ignoring them and walking away but sometimes i really wanna give it to them.. i feel like most of them could easily beat me but thats their outside strength.. on the inside i know theyre truly weak and thats how they can do that to another person..it makes themselves feel strong because they know whats right..that they arent..as long as they dont get physical with me i guess i wont with them even while its hard.. ill get my ass kicked but its okay because theyll know i at least have the courage in my fist.. i dont think anyone thinks i have any strength or at least those certain people, i dont think so either. they probably see me like mr slave on the football field...but luckily its 2024 now so i dont get random beatings, im not hated enough for that id say. which is a nice thing.. see, i dont completely have a stupid victim mentality! lol.. but back to what i said, because im short have barely any muscle and i probably look like a pussy also ive been told that and i do believe it.. people have told me i look gay or thought im in that community.. i dont necessarily see that as an insult because a lot of the times have been about my fashion and how i dress but other times how i act also which i dont see but whatever.. and i wont say theyre necessarily wrong either id just rather not be called a faggot straight to my face.. but its better than being spoken about behind my back which has happened before, but you do know what they say about people who are short for a long time.. they grow like 2 feet in a summer so..lets hope that was talking about me cuz i dont wanna stay a midget forever. and another thing.. why should i listen that much to people i dont like.. thats something that keeps me away from them, makes it easy to just ignore them and walk away, because their opinions shouldnt matter to me. i clearly dont matter to them so they shouldnt matter to me, so were equal... at least im strong enough to live every day feeling love...11.25